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first amendment behind bars

1st Amendment Arrested Outside Local Strip Mall

Minneapolis, MN —In a brutal scene the police are calling an oopsie, the 1st Amendment was brutally attacked on the streets of America.  The unidentified police assailants ran out onto the streets and started blasting away.

What began as a peaceful gathering quickly became a sight that many Americans hoped that they would never see.  Eventually, the 1st Amendment was lead away in handcuffs, bruised, and battered.  It is unknown if the 1st Amendment will pull through.

Mr. Freedom of Speech has long had a special place in American Pop Culture.  From the essays to Jonathon Swift to the Tweets of Taylor Swift, Mr. Speech has seen a lot.  However, it is unknown if it can recover from this most recent attack.

White House Response

The President immediately signed an executive order to protect his Tweets and his Russian Spokespersons from the injury to Mr. Freedom.  Reporters many times tried to ask what Twitter has to do with Freedom of Speech as it is a privately held company and censorship only applies if the government arrests or prohibits that speech.

The President was going to answer, but a secret service agent brought a laser pointer and the chief executive chased it around the room for a couple of hours before falling asleep on a Mcdonald’s playmat. It is reported that the playmat was almost completed.  As a result, Mitch McConnell has organized a parade through protests this weekend in his honor.

The Future Of The First Amendment

The nation awaits to get the medical results of Mr. Freedom of Speech.  It is currently being reported that it is touch and go at the moment.  Given the nature of the attack and the particular ruthlessness, the hospital has requested security be present at all times.  The police department immediately sent a squadron.

“Wait, wait, that’s not what we meant!” was heard by bystanders as the police tank rolled through the front door and shot several minorities.  Apparently, it was beer night down at the station.  No officers were charged with DUI as of this reporting.

Whatever the outcome, let us all take a minute to remember the 1st Amendment and the many great gifts he has given us.


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