The Daily Mock
airport marshalling

Airport Worker Fired For Uninspiring Dance Routine on Tarmac

Miami, FL — There is no doubt that Tiffany Riser loved her job. She started as a baggage handler and threw bags to the sweet beats of Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me. Quickly, she caught the boss’s attention with her sick moves.

Hip thrusts, unexpected twists, and of course a double backflip that ended in the splits. Tiffany was quickly promoted to the head of Airport Marshaling, the person that uses those little light sticks to guide the planes to take off. She was a rock star.

The crowd often clapped politely from their seats aboard every carrier that flew out of Miami International. On occasion, her dance routines would be captured and posted to YouTube where the ad dollars helped promote her newfound fame. She even started her own channel and the money rolled in.

But like every rags to riches story, it doesn’t last. It ends with Tiffany being let go and spiraling into a mix of drugs and illicit sex.

When Did It Go Wrong?

Those that find fame quickly often succumb to all the trappings and Tiffany was no different. She began to party late at night, went home with whoever had the most blow, and once had a very public affair with Dustin Diamond of Saved By The Bell fame. She was on top of the world but her craft began to suffer.

Tiffany missed rehearsals and often demanded chocolate tap water. She became known as a diva and many of her fans began to abandon her. Her dance routines became ordinary. On days that followed tough nights, she refused to perform at all and just mindlessly waived the yellow glow sticks. Her breakdown eventually came as she yelled at a small child peering through a port window of a Boeing 737.

“What do you want of me!” she is recorded as saying. “You’re ungrateful just like Dustin! Good luck in that 737, jerk. I pulled all the wires out of the landing gear.”

Tiffany was let go the next day.

Where Is She Now?

Tiffany hit the booze and drugs harder than a b-list movie star. She invested heavily in MLM companies and attempted to sell life insurance for a bit. But every dollar she made went straight up her nose until she was arrested for prostitution This was Tiffany’s bottom.

After a court-ordered rehab, Tiffany has once again connected with God. She no longer yearns for her past fame and tries to take it one day at a time. “Ya know, I’m glad everything happened the way it did. It made me who I am. Made me stronger. $5 for a sucky-sucky?”

And the boy from the window on that plane that signaled Tiffany’s downfall? Well, he never grew up. Wow. That got dark. Yeah, sure, he’s dead. Plane crashed. It was very terrible.