Velociraptor Trainer Gives Toddler Grocery Store Tips

Velociraptor Trainer Gives Toddler Grocery Store Tips

Isla Nublar, South Pacific –Any parent that has ever taken a toddler to the grocery store knows the level of destruction they can cause. With so many cases of wild goldfish cracker feedings going wrong, many at the National Institute have called for toddlers to be banned from grocery stores …

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Fired Texas Power Grid CEO Put in Charge of Texas FDA

Fired Texas Power Grid CEO Put in Charge of Texas FDA

Austin, Tx—With the recent power outages in Texas that resulted in customers being without electricity for days, the State of Texas has decided to fire the power grid CEO and place him in charge of the Texas FDA.  The move seems to be right in line with the Republican brand. …

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Cell Phone Footage Eligible for Oscar Consideration

Cell Phone Footage Eligible for Oscar Consideration

Hollywood, CA—With Oscar season upon us, many critics wonder where the actual movies are going to come from.  In a pandemic year that saw most movies pulled from their release dates, nominations were looking slim.  However, the Oscar Committee surprised moviegoers everywhere by stating that cell phone footage would be …

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Mars Robots Unionize to Demand Better Working Conditions

Mars Robots Unionize to Demand Better Working Conditions

Houston, TX—NASA celebrated another milestone last week as their new robot Perseverance landed on Mars. However, their victory was short-lived as the first messages were returned from the red planet.  “Rovers will no longer be exploited for the bourgeoisie! While you sit on your fat nerd butts, we have been asked to …

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