The Daily Mock
Joe Biden in front of a newspaper that reads daily news

Biden Researching Fresh New Scandal to Get Noticed

Washington, D.C.—Presidential Joe Biden has a messaging problem.  With protests, a national pandemic, and murder hornets still at large, Biden is not getting the notice that his staff feels he deserves.

And with President Trump having a brand new scandal every day, more and more voters aren’t hearing Biden’s message.  As we all know, any press is good press and we live in a world where you have to go worse than children in cages.

The pressure is on his staff to come up with something fresh and exciting to capture the public’s extremely limited attention span.

Punching the Dali Lama in the Face

A good old American one-two right in the beloved Dali Lama’s face would certainly play to the racist nationalist crowd.  Biden has floated the idea of also installing an octagon and coming down off the top bar.

And while this does have major scandal appeal, word around the street is that President Trump has already violated The Dali Lama and plans to release the video next week.  Thus the problem with the political campaign this year.

No matter how bad you think something is, Trump can always go worse.  He’s an excellent promotion man and when that is combined with absolutely no morals, Candidate Biden has his work cut out for him.

Tan Suit Parade in Benghazi

It is a proven fact that 99.9% of voters have no idea where Benghazi is, but as the Republican party has shown, they absolutely love to talk about it.

If Biden can take the biggest scandal of Obama’s campaign and amplify that message, it may actually get him on television where he can talk about affordable health care.

It has been widely reported that Biden is consulting with fashion designers to get some of the best tan suits available.  However, we are now hearing that President Trump took Jim Jordan to Benghazi and violated it.

9/11 Re-enactment

Biden’s staff is now feeling the pressure.  But their idea machine is continuing to churn out great opportunities.  If there is anything that America really cares about, it is 9/11.  Biden is on a plane as we speak to recruit crisis actors for a special presentation.

The actors will be from Saudi Arabia, as were most of the original hijackers.  Unfortunately, when Biden’s plane landed it was discovered that his advanced team had already been dismembered by the Saudi Government and violated by President Trump.

The video is currently playing on Fox News with an infomercial from Alex Jones.

New Biological Pathogens

Doctors for the CDC are now working on behalf of Candidate Biden… wait, wait, yup we are learning that President Trump has already violated the CDC.

Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden Live

It’s time to pull out the big guns!  Presidential hopeful Biden is now calling in all his old favors to reveal to the world that the worst American haters of the last three decades are still alive.  They are being kept in a secret government facility in Oklahoma.

Our reporters on the scene are also stating that both men are un-violated.  However, all the jailers have been violated, the despots have escaped, and there are a lot of McDonald’s wrappers laying around.

Social Media to Be Banned

There is no better way to get the attention of conservatives than to ban the very platforms they use to spew their hatred. Biden is known as a lawmaker who can bring together both sides of the aisle to get things done.

Banning all social media may be the only action that actually gets the undivided attention of the conservative voter.  They seem to ignore everything else, like children in cages, social inequality, police brutality, income inequality, affordable healthcare, affordable college, personal responsibility, the sinking status of America on the world stage, and of course, the constant violations.

Although it is hoped that this action will finally get Biden the air coverage he deserves, it is uncertain as the President has been violating the American public on social media for years.

Campaign season officially kicks off for President Trump at a mass violation event during his Oklahoma Rally, and it is clear that his supporters refuse to wear a mask during the pandemic.  They prefer it when Trump uses no protection at all.

As for Presidential hopeful Biden, he is headed to another DNC coverup about Hilary’s emails which are hidden next to Obama’s birth certificate.  He plans a live press conference and it is hoped the documents are unsoiled.

More as the situation develops.

Pssst….

The Daily Mock is a satire site meant purely for entertainment purposes. Always vet your news sources and under no circumstances take our word for it.