General News

Velociraptor Trainer Gives Toddler Grocery Store Tips

Velociraptor Trainer Gives Toddler Grocery Store Tips

Isla Nublar, South Pacific –Any parent that has ever taken a toddler to the grocery store knows the level of destruction they can cause. With so many cases of wild goldfish cracker feedings going wrong, many at the National Institute have called for toddlers to be banned from grocery stores …

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Bigfoot Placed on the Conspiracy Theory Endangered Species List

Bigfoot Placed on the Conspiracy Theory Endangered Species List

Washington, DC— The new Biden administration plans to add Bigfoot and a host of other conspiracy theory animals to the endangered species list within his first hundred days in office. Over-theorizing by Q-anon supporters have ruined these creatures’ natural habitats within the forested clouded minds of internet trolls. With the loss …

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North Pole Police Blotter for December 26

North Pole Police Blotter for December 26

North Pole, North Pole — Santa and his elves spend 364 days a year getting ready for Christmas.  But one day a year, they take the day off and blow off some steam. The North Pole Police department spends 364 days getting ready for December 26th. 8:00 am:  Officer Candy …

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Airbnb Offering Great Deals on ICU Beds

Airbnb Offering Great Deals on ICU Beds

San Francisco, CA—With the nation’s ICU beds quickly disappearing in an ever-changing housing market, now is the perfect time to invest with Airbnb. The pandemic is slated to overwhelm hospitals any minute now, and speculators have taken advantage of this huge opportunity.  They have bought the remaining ICU beds and …

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