St. Louis, MO — During these difficult times, the U.S. Military is now offering curbside beatings. As the President calls in the army to police a civilian population during a national pandemic, rest assured that all CDC guidelines are being followed. By coming together during these difficult times, we can …
Read MoreNorman, OK —Americans are an optimistic bunch who believe that there is always something better over the rainbow. Not only are they the kind of people who will make lemonade when life hands them lemons, but they’ll also add some liquor to make it much harder than it should have …
Read MoreNorman, OK —Native Americans have turned down an attempt by the current administration to return much of the land stolen, or um… “bought”, by the US government. The administration is asking for a full refund of beads and the dignity that the original deal cost Native Americans. In response, tribal …
Read MoreMiami, FL— With the economy opening back up, every company is trying to find unique ways to lure their customers back. Just in time for the summer death season, cruise lines are now offering free burial at sea for all guests. “We’ve come a long way together, and by working …
Read MoreNashville, TN—Evangelicals are up in arms. The Rapture is here, the four horsemen rain through the sky, and yet, many Evangelicals are not happy with how the boss is currently running the Rapture. “He’s hurting the wrong people!” stated Jill Trailer. “I mean, I prayed most of my life and …
Read MoreDallas, Tx —Area teachers are petitioning Congress to actually cut stimulus funding for parents. Parents are currently receiving $500 per child to help them transition from working parents to homeschooling parents. Teachers Unions claim that the money would be better spent on billboards that say “Ha, Ha, Who’s overpaid now?” …
Read MorePine Bluff, AR. — New breakthrough testing for COVID-19 has confirmed what many public officials have always felt in their shared heart. 50% of the workforce is probably expendable and therefore easily disposed of so that the stock market can go up again. As everyone knows, the U.S. is the …
Read MoreSan Francisco, California-A man just spent $47,518, the retail price for a fully loaded, top-of-the-line Apple Mac Pro, but when asked what he plans to use the computer for – you won’t believe what he said! An Apple specialist who works at an Apple Store in the Bay Area is …
Read MoreDamascus, Syria — International terrorist group ISIS has issued new work from cave guidelines to its members. With the global pandemic continuing to take a heavy toll on people of every nation, ISIS has decided that now is not the time to attack. “Wow, are you seeing what the virus …
Read MoreOmaha, NE — With the current pandemic raining down virus hellfire, the American public has become indebted to all the essential workers that have made our lives easier. To show our appreciation, the U.S. Government today announced a new program to honor these hard-working individuals. Doctors, nurses, first responders, grocery …
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