Omaha, NE — With the current pandemic raining down virus hellfire, the American public has become indebted to all the essential workers that have made our lives easier. To show our appreciation, the U.S. Government today announced a new program to honor these hard-working individuals. Doctors, nurses, first responders, grocery …
Read MoreWashington, D.C.— House Democrats rejoiced today as they put forth a bipartisan bill to finally achieve one of their major campaign promises. “A universal income is now going to be a reality!” stated Nancy Pelosi. “And payable in the form of chickens!” The press core, stunned, did not have any …
Read MoreThe skin of two Chinese doctors turned black following being infected by the coronavirus, triggering Social Justice Warriors (SJW) who are calling it the “worst instance of blackface ever” and accusing the physicians of “cultural appropriation.” Coronavirus leaves 2 doctors in China black after battling disease According to reports coming …
Read MoreHarrisburg, PA — Many super-intelligent people have begun to protest the COVID-19 lockdown orders. “It’s all a fake! A hoax by big guberment!” stated Richie Stallions gun. “First off it’s pronounced government,” corrected our reporter. “But more importantly, why do you believe the COVID-19 virus is fake?” “Oh, the virus …
Read MoreHollywood, CA — Super famous, and thus super smart, Dr. Oz has created a school where virtually anyone can become an expert on COVID-19. “I needed to fill a void in the talk show market,” stated The Oz man. “I mean, it’s all anyone is talking about. COVID this, Beer …
Read MoreATLANTA – Amid a critical shortage of ventilators in the US, and with 3D-printers now available under $200, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has released a free set of instructions and templates for making your own ventilator. The move comes as Americans who have contracted the coronavirus …
Read MoreWashington, D.C. — With the pandemic continuing to wreck the economy, Congress has passed a sweeping stimulus bill. Among the least controversial sections includes finally making ‘Thank a Billionaire Day’ a national holiday. The country fully supports this new holiday from the comfort of their foreclosed homes. “Without billionaires, the …
Read MoreRancho Santa Margarita, CA —As the nation struggles with its response to the COVID-19 pandemic, American workers continue to go above and beyond the call of duty. Nurses, doctors, and emergency personnel face tough challenges while they serve their community. However, some essential personal are overlooked, and the toll that …
Read MoreNew York, NY — The most valued member of our society, the Stock Market, has now been infected with the notorious Coronavirus. It is unknown if Mr. Market will pull through. Rich people have begun to eat the poor in preparation for the upcoming apocalypse. It was hoped that Mr. …
Read MoreCairo, Egypt — As the decade comes to a close, “Best of” lists abound. The best movie of the decade is obviously anything starring Adam Sandler. The best song was Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody, which was also the best song of the 70s, 80s, 90s, and 2000s. As for the best …
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