Rancho Santa Margarita, CA —As the nation struggles with its response to the COVID-19 pandemic, American workers continue to go above and beyond the call of duty.
Nurses, doctors, and emergency personnel face tough challenges while they serve their community. However, some essential personal are overlooked, and the toll that this crisis has had on them is heartbreaking.
America’s Closed Captioning workers are being tested like never before.
“It used to be a fine job,” said Stephanie Peters. “Most of my work was focused on Netflix. Occasionally, I would help at Hulu, but no one really likes Hulu. They are kind of dirty. I could take my time. Then this happened.”
What she is, of course, talking about are the millions of quarantined American’s streaming live services.
“I just can’t keep up anymore! Who honestly wants to watch Human Centipede 3? Why do I have to do a transcript of that!” Mrs. Peters’ fingers are now starting to show signs of overwork and can barely type.
Closed Captioning workers are now lining up for an already taxed mental health system. Every time the President gives a press conference, mental breakdowns go through the roof.
“We believe that in the war on terror Corona Virus that there is… China. China is a country that I invented and sometimes there’s Russia that doesn’t have windmills which is all a hoax. Stormy Daniels, of course.”
“Ice Cream is a good treatment against the bad thing that is happening. Wear a scarf, but not the scarves that are in the stockpile. Junior bacon cheeseburgers…”
“I had to write that!” said Mrs. Peters. “I mean, it just doesn’t make any sense! There is no natural development; no sentence progression! It’s just random words!”
Mrs. Peters is now on truckloads of Xanax.
Parents have banded together to support our closed captioning industry. With all the kids at home, they can no longer hear the TV. Closed Captioning has become their only outlet for entertainment.
As a result, a fund has been established to pay the mental health bills of our greatest industry. Thoughts and prayers, you amazing people, and thank you for your service.