Kansas City, MO—A construction crew widening I-35 north have uncovered what appears to be the lost middle class. As they adding a new toll booth to keep the peasants off the main highways, they accidentally discovered what at first appears to be an old pension plan.
Robust and full, the pension plan was once rumored to be used for retirement. Once unearthed, archeologists quickly descended on the site.
Scientists Aren’t Sure They Existed
Not much is known about the middle-class civilization and many scientists believe that they may have never existed. Like the Lost City of Atlantis, they were here one day and swallowed by history the next. From there, all we know is myths and legends. For example, it is said that they could once obtain something called a living wage.
Of course, this all sounds preposterous in this age where the average worker works ten jobs in a thirty-seven-hour workday. This allows them to afford a mat in the local park, where many area residents call home.
Other Artifacts Have Been Found
As scientists began to explore the site, they also uncovered other artifacts that further support the idea that the middle class once existed. They found a shard of an affordable college degree, practical health care card, and parts of a fully funded 401(k). Near what they believe was a two-car garage, they also hope they have uncovered an ancient relic. A color TV perfectly preserved surrounded by theater seating, or so scientists hope. They won’t know for sure until they run more tests.
“During the climate wars, prior to the tax cuts for the wealthy, there may have been these mythical people,” said scientist Steven Bucks. “But the idea of good-paying jobs is something that, frankly, doesn’t make sense. One theory states that when someone hit upon hard times, the government was supposed to have a social safety net. Things such as Medicare and Medicaid helped those less fortunate. But it’s just a theory at this point.”
Further study is warranted, however, the school sponsoring the dig has been unfunded to provide for a new tax break on golden doorknobs for the job creators.