The Daily Mock
a man walks on a pier toward a cruise ship with a halo over his head

Cruise Ship Now Offering Free Burial At Sea For Guests

Miami, FL— With the economy opening back up, every company is trying to find unique ways to lure their customers back.  Just in time for the summer death season, cruise lines are now offering free burial at sea for all guests.

“We’ve come a long way together, and by working together, and staying together, we can get through this together,” reads their most recent marketing email.

“And together, Jimmy’s Discount Cruise’s are proud to be here together.  With you.  And us.  You and us.  Together.  Beginning immediately, all passengers that catch the nasty bug will receive a free burial at sea. We will throw you over together.”

Is it the right time to take a cruise?

If you find yourself in need of a burial at sea, the deals could not be better.  Some cruise lines are offering a two for one special for you and a loved one.

Also, they mentioned the word together a lot more.  Many people have criticized the cruise lines for attempting to lure people to their watery depths.

However, the cruise lines pointed out that they want money and this is how to get money.  That’s a fair point that this reporter could not refute.  It is nice to have money to pay your bills, unlike all the employees that the cruise lines have laid off.

What are other industries doing?

Cruise lines aren’t the only ones that are offering huge deals at the moment.  Car dealers are offering historic low prices on new or pre-owned hearses with no payments until 2021 for qualified morticians.

Restaurants have continued their curbside exclusive deals such as free margaritas and infections for anyone ordering the tower of chipotle onion rings.

Finally, Sally’s beauty supply says ten percent off your first haircut as long as you donate your locks to cruise ship passenger’s families for wreaths.

Yes, America is ready to go back to work.  It seems it citizens couldn’t Netflix and Chill for longer than two months, which explains a lot about the commitment issues in this country.

Pssst….

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