Hollywood, CA — Super famous, and thus super smart, Dr. Oz has created a school where virtually anyone can become an expert on COVID-19.
“I needed to fill a void in the talk show market,” stated The Oz man. “I mean, it’s all anyone is talking about. COVID this, Beer virus that. It was really starting to hit into my weight loss bulls–t income. So I opened up the school so everyone could become an expert on this virus thingy like me.”
Dr. Oz’s COVID-19 School of Covidness has already received a federal bailout.
The school boasts a wide range of “experts” who will lead its kindergarten hard classes. Dr. Phil will teach the “Land on the talk show circuit with no previous knowledge!” course. He will focus on conflict resolution through death.
Dr. Laura makes her return to the public eye by teaching a physical education course called “Supplement pill shilling during a pandemic.”
Alex Jones will scream at new students by calling them gay frog crisis actors.
With such an impressive lineup, anyone can find themselves fully prepared to give worthless opinions about subjects they have no idea about. Public Health officials fully accredited the school and released this statement:
“What the h-ll? No, we didn’t accredit this farce! Who the h-ll are these guys anyway? They keep giving the public really bad advice and we are totally confused about why anyone is asking them about COVID-19. Please, don’t go to this school. These people know as much about COVID-19 as a fake doctor from Grey’s Anatomy does.”
In response, Dr. Oz has now hired Dr. Dreamy.
The COVID-20 school is now accepting student loans and financial aid as well. Anti-Vax moms are encouraged to apply. Free MAGA hats are awarded with each diploma. The total program takes about three hours to complete. The graduation ceremony will take place at the next mass protest to the lockdown. Survivors will be given guns for some reason.
Should you wish to become a useless Talk Show Doctor who isn’t qualified to give advice, then Dr. Oz’s COVID-21 school is for you!