The Daily Mock

Instagram Influencer Dies of Exposure

Anchorage, AL—The months-long search for Instagram influencer Sarah James has come to end in the wilderness outside of Anchorage, Alaska.  Ms. James, aged twenty-two, was found frozen with duck lips on her face and her cellphone stick ready for action.  The local coroner has ruled that she died of exposure.

Ms. James came to the public’s attention three years ago when she exploded onto the social media scene.  One contemporary stated at the time that her photoshop skills were unparalleled and said that she had a talent for posing in the right lighting.

A Different Person on Camera

Once on camera, she became a different person which helps explain why it took authorities so long to identify her body.  All of the pictures used for the search party did not resemble Ms. James at all.

“We were looking for a young girl in her twenties,” said Sheriff Stevens of Anchorage.  “Didn’t figure out that she was actually in her 40’s until last night.  Going off her social media, we were looking for someone that had no pores and oversized eyes.  Turns out we found her three weeks ago and mistook her for a tree stump.”

Ms. James had traveled to Anchorage in order to bring exposure to a festival project she was working on with other influencers.  The Rock In The Snow festival is now famous for having never existed outside of hashtags.

Insight Into Her Final Moments

Her camera roll gives authorities some insight into her final moments.  She apparently was attempting to get the perfect shot with the Aurora Borealis in the background.  However, things took a deadly turn when the polar bears showed up.  She, of course, offered them exposure if they would pose with her, but being bears, they quickly declined.

Instead, they left negative reviews about her on social media.  Distraught and with perfectly pouty lips, Ms. James went further into the tundra to find perhaps a set of foxes that would like more exposure and her latest Instagram story stated that the “polar bears would be sorry!  I have a sick kid!  How can you hate a sick child!”

Ms. James’ millions of followers have asked that hearts and likes be donated to a worthy cause: Billy John’s Catfish shop homepage that is sponsoring her death.