The Daily Mock
Johnny Depp dressed in Pirates of the Caribbean attire with a porch in the background

Johnny Depp to Star in Disney Plus Original: Porch Pirates of New Jersey

Hollywood, CA — Johnny Depp has signed on to the next pirate movie, due for release in Spring 2020.  The new full-length feature film is called Porch Pirates of New Jersey and will see Mr. Depp revive his popular Jack Sparrow character.

This film will be offered as a Disney Plus original to round out their current content.  It is unknown who will play the love interest at this time, although rumors abound it will be someone 25 years his junior.

Plot of the New Pirates of New Jersey Film

Jack Sparrow has learned to travel through time and finds himself in 1980 Trenton, New Jersey.  Confused, but still full of that swashbuckling attitude, Captain Jack begins an adventure that will take him to all of the popular New Jersey destinations of old.

He will recruit a new crew in Atlantic City, where he also meets his love interest, Syphilis Sara.  Syphilis Sara has her own concerns as she can’t turn enough tricks to afford her ten pounds of coke a day habit.

But there is a mythical destination that she has heard rumors of back in Trenton;  a flophouse that isn’t what it appears to be.  Is it truly a drug den or is there a mystical secret that will provide Captain Jack and Sara an immortal and free life?

The monkey from the previous movies will also join Captain Jack.  Soon, Sparrow and crew highjack a UPS truck and go around the suburbs stealing Christmas presents ordered through Amazon.

In the end, Captain Jack may indeed find love and discover the pirate he always wanted to become.  But Sara has other plans.  Her pimp needs his cut and won’t rest until he tracks down the porch pirates and makes them pay.  Available in Dolby surround.

Other New Releases

Also in development are a live-action PG remake of Deep Throat as well as a stand-alone adventure featuring Timon and Pumbaa as they contemplate overthrowing Simba.  Backed by the wonderful talents of Cirque Du Soleil, Timon has had enough of Simba’s heavy pawed rule.

Both features promise fun for the entire family.