The Daily Mock
a happy family play with kites in dust

Kite Flying Festival to Be Held at Next Available Dust Bowl!

Norman, OK —Americans are an optimistic bunch who believe that there is always something better over the rainbow.  Not only are they the kind of people who will make lemonade when life hands them lemons, but they’ll also add some liquor to make it much harder than it should have been in the first place.

It is with that attitude that America has collectively decided that the next upcoming Dust Bowl will be perfect to hold a nationwide Kite Festival!  The event will be sponsored by Mike’s Hard Lemonade.  So grab your kite, some protective gear, and load the family up to middle America where the coming depression will destroy crops and families’ lives.

But at least this way, we can continue to ignore our problems.

Come see all the majestic kites!

The dust bowl is a great time for any kite to come out and feel the collective sting of 100 mph winds.  The dust clouds don’t care where you come from or who you are, it will destroy each with a personalized touch that is unique to each individual.

Rich, poor, almost poor, I was almost poor and now I’m poor, I refuse to believe I’m poor, I’m living paycheck to paycheck, Where is my paycheck, Oh god how much is that medical bill, I’m officially poor now —all are welcome!  Pack your family and all your belongings and come out to the Kite Festival at a dust bowl near you!

Kites for sale

And it truly wouldn’t be America without someone trying to make money off the misery of others.  Companies will be offering all kinds of kites for sale with all proceeds going to someone who already has affordable healthcare.  Those that cannot afford to bring a kite to the dust bowl will be charged any way to ensure they get that old fashioned American experience.  Because in America, if you aren’t a consumer, you soon will be.

Other wares will also be for sale.  Come see the dust bowl’s fine selection of Congressmen, ready to be bought for pennies on the dollar.  Upgrade your experience with a once in a lifetime Congressional Retainer and with easy monthly payments, you too can have laws written that caused this sh-t storm in the first place!

Bring the whole family out to America’s Next Dust Bowl!

(By reading this, you have already agreed to all terms and conditions.  America’s Dust Bowl, owned by Halliburton.)

Pssst….

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