The Daily Mock
dump truck unloading waste on a landfill with the word TRUMP on it

Landfills in Bidding War For the Trump Presidential Library

Omaha, NB—With the election looming and President Trump’s polling looking bleak, his campaign is beginning to think of the future.  Namely, where will his presidential library be?  They opened bidding to begin the process.

“Some people are saying that his library will be better than Abraham Lincoln’s,” stated Kelly Ann Conway, who is somehow not in prison yet.  “The liberals will deny it and that’s going to cause me to beat my daughter some more.  That’s on you libtards!”

The first round of bids have come in and it does look there is going to be a bidding war. The nation’s top landfills are hoping to grab the hot garbage that has become this administration.

Landfill 251, on route 6 Northside of Cleveland, OH

Landfill 251 began the bidding by promising ample space devoted solely to the President’s many lawsuits.  They plan to offer a Hall of Justice tour that will chronicle each time the President has lied.  Local managers are a bit worried that there isn’t enough space, so some lies will have to be classified by year.

Lie mounds 1, 2, 3, and 4 will be open to the public and for historical researches so that they may comb through the absolute mountains of lies and determine at which point the American people stopped caring.  Hand sanitizer will not be provided.

Scenic Majestic Oaks Landfill, Southside Dallas, TX

Majestic Oaks, just outside of Dallas, is calling their bid “Election Interference, a Smell Through History”.  Featuring over 25 acres of putrid stink, they will highlight each time the President attempted to interfere with an election.  There will be Russian Corridor, which will then lead to the China Corridor, and eventually end up in Brazil.

All the sorting machines from the United States Post office will also be there along with all the ballots that were not delivered because of the President.

Sunny Side Spa and Garbage, East Little Rock, AR

Sunny Side hopes to land the Presidential Library by focusing more on President Trump’s children.  A life-like Ivanka Trump animatronic will welcome visitors to the library by saying “This is not a garbage dump.  This is not a garbage dump.  This is not a garbage dump.”  And as only cultists will visit the library, it is expected that they will believe that statement.

Donald Jr will showcase the many times his father cheated on his mother, and son Eric Trump will have appear as a hologram programmed to answer each and every question with “Hillary’s emails.”

Nuclear Waste Site Delta, Nevada

In a undisclosed location, Nuclear Waste Site Delta states that their plan is the only feasible one for President Trump’s Library.  They are used to handling radioactive material that doesn’t decay for thousands of years, which is roughly how long it will take to repair the damage done to our nation’s institutions.

The Hall of Whistleblowers will feature every individual who had their life ruined for telling the truth, and they will be complimented by each Inspector General that has been fired.  The ghost of Herman Cain will welcome visitors to the ruins of many of the once great governmental agencies the President has destroyed.

From the ineffective FCC to the Senate, visitors are welcome to pick through the rubble for a fun souvenir.

Trump Tower, NY

The most likely landfill that may get the contract for the Trump Presidential Library may be Trump Tower.  Renowned for it’s ability to accommodate an absolute huge load of sh-t and hide it from the American public, there may be no better option.  Trump Tower has been dealing with sewage since the 1980s and they believe that they have the best chance at scoring the biggest turd of them all.

Inside, visitors can expect an art gallery composed of the presidents favorite redrawn sharpie maps, doctored photos of his inauguration, and the Doorway into Dementia, which will showcase many of the President’s favorite conspiracy theories.  From windmills cause cancer to old favorites such as birthism and vaccines cause autism.

At the end, each visitor will get a chance to sweep forest floors to prevent fires.  Vomit buckets will be provided.

No matter which landfill wins the contract for the new Trump Presidential Library, the American public can expect to be billed for it while Roger Stone and Micheal Flynn have a gang bang with Attorney General Barr on top of the constitution. Pay per view available but it is only free for Mar-a-Lago members.

Pssst….

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