The Daily Mock
man on raft in flooded backyard

Massive Flooding Refills Area Pools

Chicago, IL — Record-breaking flooding over this last year has been a boon for water conservationists.  Area pools are now topped off, saving the residents millions on their water bills.

“Ya know, it was just such a relief this year to get a break on that water bill,” said homeowner Jeremy Smithers.  “We had a pool, the wife wanted it, and man it’s just a killer to fill every year.  Then there’s the cleaning and upkeep.  I don’t know if it’s been worth it.  But that last flood did just fine by us.  When we get our house rebuilt, I plan on using the water savings to maybe put in a skylight.”

Increasing Cost Of Water

With the climate warming, water is starting to become scarce enough that many residents are growing concerned.  So when a gift such as a massive flood happens, people tend to grab their nearest bucket and fill up as much as they can.  If the climate continues to warm and freshwater does not become more available, many people may turn to cannibalism.  It is unclear the connection between lack of water and human eatings humans, but a local study confirmed that this is the most likely outcome.  They based their study on 42 different samples of dystopian future movies.

We can also expect to see trucks welded onto cars, thus making the El Camino a popular vehicle choice once again.  However, these roving bands of water bandits will most likely take any water that you may have.  This grim future has been postponed thanks to the many, many hurricanes that hit our country this year.  Sometimes, what climate change takes away, it gives back.  Except for Jeremy Smithers.  He’s dead, eaten by some guy in an El Camino.  His pool does look nice though.

What Other Benefits Does A Full Pool Give?

As always, a nicely maintained pool is a fantastic opportunity in the summer for kids and adults to drown any marauders that may come their way.  Many cities are seeing an increase in local community memberships where residents can drink the last freshwater on Earth.


The Daily Mock is a satire site meant purely for entertainment purposes. Always vet your news sources and under no circumstances take our word for it.