Washington, D.C. — Outrage has entered the Democratic Presidential Primary! Millions of enthusiastic young voters this week discovered that social media activism doesn’t actually count as voting.
“Show me in the constitution where it says that a like doesn’t equal a vote!” stated Britany Smith of New York. “I liked every single Bernie post. Every single one! I even retweeted him once, and dammit, I deserve to have my voice heard!”
This comes in response to the results of Super Tuesday, where Candidate Joe Biden resurged to challenge the all-powerful Bernie Bro army. Social media inept older generations came out in strong support of the last moderate candidate left in the race.
These are the generations that are not familiar with Twitter, Instagram, or going viral. However, they usually have a strong understanding of paper ballots.
Twitter Shares Should Equal Votes
Rock The Viral Vote, a Super PAC formed on Twitter, came out with a statement.
“It is outrageous that our viral marketing campaigns, sponsored by Zoloft, didn’t actually do anything. We have raised awareness time and time again about the crucial issues facing us. Climate change, income equality, and influencer status.
We demand that our voices be heard everywhere else except for the voting booth.
I mean, how many Instagram followers does Biden have, anyway? Can he use his exposure status to get a free hotel room in Maui? What we are saying, did he have anything to do with the Fyre Festival? We think this is something that should be looked into.”
There may be support for this movement everywhere except in the halls of Congress, who continue to demand an archaic voting system such as votes.
Voting to Make Voting a National Holiday
Now determined to change the world, again, Millennials have launched a new campaign to fight the injustice of voting. They want voting to become a National Holiday.
Voting expert Trish Sanders had this advice to our younger generation: “Do you know how to make voting a National holiday? Vote.”
She was quickly doxed online and had to change her name and move. It is hoped that she has learned her lesson should she ever wish to show her face again on Instagram Stories.