Washington, D.C. — Our nation stands at the crossroads in history as the impeachment of President Trump began on the Senate floor. Such a solemn event demands our representative government’s undivided attention and respect.
In a show of bipartisan support that marks a turning point for the country, the Senate has now agreed to open a sand volleyball pit on the Senate Floor.
This is in response to Senate McConnell’s stern rules that no senator will be allowed to leave the proceedings. Twenty-one Republican senators quickly broke this rule, along with two Democrats.
“Well, I could tell we had a problem,” said Senator McConnell. “And frankly, I’m shocked and appalled that two Democrats left the senate floor. I do not recall seeing any Republicans leaving the floor because there is no way they would do that.
They all believe in Jesus, just like our President who bleepity-bleeped a porn star while married. God-fearing people, that’s for sure.”
Shirts Vs. Skins
The volleyball court, now referred to as only “The Pit”, will host a series of pick-up games in hopes to keep senators entertained while the most important trial of the decade takes place. Republicans quickly moved to have a Shirts vs. Skins game format.
They promised that President Trump would then be in attendance along with his 1980s video camera. However, the Democrats refused to cooperate, thus showing how obstructionist they actually are.
The first games took place while the mountain of evidence of the President’s crimes was being presented. Republicans refused to keep score during the game.
Chief Justice Roberts
Chief Justice Roberts quickly admonished both sides for their behavior and reminded them to practice the proper decorum that such a momentous event demands.
“This is obstruction, it’s pure and simple. And I don’t want to hear any more arguing back and forth about it. I swear by Ginsberg that I will gavel your bleeps so fast! Now, please move the desk away from the pit so that it no longer obstructs the court.
And when I say the ball is out of bounds, it’s out of bounds!” C-Span carried live coverage.
It is unknown how the impeachment trial will end up, but we can all be sure that our prestigious Senators just don’t care nor do they take it as seriously as the rest of the country.
Skins lead shirts four games to two.