The Daily Mock

Saturn Asks for Privacy as High Definition Pictures Are Taken For the First Time

Saturn, Space — A NASA mission has returned with the first high definition pictures ever taken of Saturn.  They have also returned with a restraining order.  The planet filed the order citing stalking laws in the State of Texas.

“My client demands the complete and total destruction of any and all pictures taken of it while it was in its bath by space paparazzi,” stated lawyer Micheal Avanti.  “The Planet’s privacy was clearly invaded by the latest probe sent by NASA.  Just the fact that they call the camera a ‘probe’ is all the evidence my client needs.  In addition, we are seeking all pictures and videos of the planet of Saturn to be destroyed or taken down.”

Saturn’s Popularity

For eons, humans have gawked at the planet from afar.  Astronomers have wondered want the planet may look like up close.  Artists have given detailed images of Saturn.  Poets have written sonnets hoping to woo its affections.  “Is that rolling storm for me?” they would ask.  With this lawsuit, Saturn has finally given an answer to humanity’s love affair and that answer is a resounding “NO.”

“I don’t understand what is happening,” said NASA spokesman Gil Hilbert.  “I mean, we sent flowers and sent a dead robot.  This restraining order comes completely out of left space.  It is our best guess that Saturn has been unduly influenced by Uranus and Pluto, but no one can trust them.  We all know that.  It was consensual!”

The Case Going Forward

NASA vows to fight the restraining order and states that no matter how the case turns out, they know that Saturn really loves them.  Saturn has remained silent during the proceedings and has let all of its communication come from its lawyer.

“Saturn deserves the same privacy protections that the rest of the world gets.  Its celebrity should have no bearing on whether or not the pictures should have been taken.  Every blemish and crater is not for the world to see and Saturn demands that humanity stays no less than 5 million light-years away at all times.”

NASA plans to send another probe later this year, regardless of the outcome of the lawsuit.


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