Boise, ID—For many families, summer cannot come fast enough. Running away on a dream vacation after a year of homeschooling is exactly what they need. But what they don’t need are the high prices that many vacations come with.
Luckily, Albert Vancouver is here to offer some of the best getaways at the best prices.
“The last year has been really hard on the tourism industry. But when you are dealt a rough hand, sometimes you find the solution in Big Oil. For only a small fraction of the price of normal travel, I can find you luxury accommodations in the sludge. But just don’t make any sounds, ok?”
Families are on fire to get out into the world again, and Mr. Vancouver is here to help. Which Oil Tanker is right for you?
Flying the flag of Barbados, the Saint Queen does not travel anywhere near the Caribbean. Instead, it runs a straight route from Houston to an oil spill out in the middle of the Atlantic. Enjoy custom waves and a jovial and entertaining Russian captain as you hide away in this hideaway. Every night is happy hour since there are no rules in international water.
How about a trip to Alaska? The Flying Dutch is not associated with the Flying Dutchman or the Dutch. But the owner is a big fan of the movie Predator and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character, Dutch. Sneak aboard and you are off to the far-off oil fields of Alaska to enjoy their balmy, tropical weather.
No one is sure which offshore LLC owns the Joke Wild. But what we do know that it is the perfect place to get away from all your troubles for a while. Or forever. The crew speaks a dialect of Gaelic that no longer exists anywhere else in the world, which means you will be surrounded by a fun cultural experience. With low fares and an unknown destination, this is the perfect vacation for those with an adventurous spirit.
Anchored near the Mediterranean, the Casa Bonita is the European cruise your family can afford. Enjoy a tour of nine countries–none of which you’ll actually get to see from your cramped cabin inside the false bottom of a shipping container. You won’t bring back postcards or souvenirs, but you will have plenty of stories to tell about life on the high seas. Spoiler alert: it mostly involves seagulls, boredom, and exotically terrible smells.
What happens when you let the internet name your multinational corporation’s oil tanker? Fun and savings! Boaty McBoatface sets sail in the calm waters of the Bermuda Triangle. Enjoy mystery and intrigue as you hide from aliens and ghosts of doomed sailors.
Just remember, what happens in the Triangle stays in the Triangle. Usually forever.