The Daily Mock
military dog tags with Trumps face and an american flag and money in the background

Thanks to Trump’s New Policy, U.S. Military Now Offering Amazing Mercenary Deals

Washington, D.C.—The U.S. Military is now offering some amazing mercenary deals at the start of the war season.  Rogue nation-states can now hire the very best commandos for less than it would cost for a trip to Mar-A-Lago.

When you really want that oil, the U.S. Military is always your best bet. 

Finding the perfect gift for a dictator is often impossible, but not with the U.S. Military.  They have planes, bombs, and war crimes that can fill the wishlist of any hard to shop for despot.

Prices vary but bribes are always welcome.  This new policy implemented by President Trump this week shifts official American policy from one of non-interference to “money, money, ya’ll!”

President Trumps Announcement

This policy shift comes after President Trump offered troops to go into Syria to “get that oil, yeehaw!”

At a rally, Trump declared “So they say, ‘Trump’s In Syria’, I didn’t pull out—I did pull out.”  It is unclear if the President was talking about a country or another porn star.

However, he has made statements indicating that Saudi Arabia is paying him for troop deployment so it’s anyone’s guess on what he meant by “Syria.”

Whatever the case may be, it does appear that the U.S. Military is now for sale to the highest kickback.  And for a limited time only, pardons will be granted to any Navy Seal who randomly shoots people.

Different Forms Of Payment Accepted

There are many ways to pay for the military to come to your country.  Cash is always accepted, but so is a promise that your government will investigate the President’s political rivals.

The U.S. Military will always protect other’s foreign interests.  That’s the American Promise.  For as a little as a new golf course, get a show of force off the Persian Gulf.

It’s not just the Axis of Evil that can hire out the U.S. Military.  American companies such as Exxon can now have their own branded division.  Nothing screams freedom like the Exxon Mobile Green Berets.  Let American lives pay for your profits.