Dallas, TX—Millions of dads are kicking the tires of the family station wagons, ready to conquer the road this year. With the kids constantly screaming, a wife that likes roadside sushi, and great time waiting to be made, who wouldn’t want to go on the fabled summer road trip?
This year, all families are in luck with the hidden gems of road construction that you can get stuck in on the way to whatever tourist trap you’re headed to. From the beautiful mountain passes that have a boulder in the way to hot deserts with a single construction cone, you’ll have hours to listen to your family remind you that you should have gone a different way.
Pack your car like a Tetris expert, tie 500lb suitcases to the top of the car, and find every stuffed animal known to man. Before you know it, you’ll be baking in the hot sun as you sit idle at these fabulous road construction areas!
Why travels hundreds of miles on your way to an overpriced destination when you can have a staycation? You voted for the road construction, but what you didn’t know is that they would start it but never finish. Amenities at this great location include port-a-potties used by workers that love gas station chicken, a scenic view of a half-finished bridge, and local AM radio. Stay for the whole week and get a discount on your morning commute for next week!
Located nowhere the real Death Valley, this out-of-the-way road construction promises a relaxing start-and-stop driving to the point where your leg wants to fall off. Let the extreme sportsman in you really take off and drive a stick shift as you travel a foot before slamming on the breaks again. Officially known as the Death Valley of Abandoned Cars, watch your engine overheat as you google “what is anti-freeze?” Roaming charges may apply.
There’s no highway like a Florida highway. The state’s official pastime is pulling illegal U-turns in a souped-up golf cart doing 80, so you better always be on your toes!
Florida 64 is a special stop for any Sunshine State getaway. There’s exactly one cone but absolutely no construction. It’s all a mirage! But make no mistake, people will freak out and stop like there’s construction anyway. And don’t forget that you’ll be serenaded by the chorus of “Are We There Yet?” by the famous Darn Kids Trio. It truly is a nightmare made for the whole family.
Why travel to the big hot spots and crowded cities when you can get a more personal touch in rural America? With both one- and two-lane options not available, drive on gravel shoulders and enjoy the stench of roadkill venison. This the Route 66 of construction sites that spans from coast to coast.The jaunty local construction worker with the sign will wake up eventually to let you know if it’s safe to go. And if the family needs a quick refresh, jump in the pasture run-off that you’re are pretty sure is pure cow manure.
Ever wonder what it would be like to be trapped under millions of tons of rock while kids freak out about the dark? Wonder no more with Tunnel 3! Your GPS said the tunnel was open. It was supposed to be a great way to save time and get to your summer cabin just a bit easier, but now there’s an earth-mover parked in the tunnel and no one knows what to do. Sure, you could all just back up… but that would just be too easy. With no sunsets or sunrises to enjoy, it’s the perfect place to spend hours and hours doing nothing.
If driving is not your idea of a perfect vacation, ditch it and take your road-tripping up a notch. Why not jump on an airplane and sit on the tarmac for hours and hours! They just ran out of free pretzels and somebody locked themselves in the bathroom an hour ago. And the guessing game of “Am I hot or is this stress sweat?” for hours and hours and hours of fun.