Paris, France—Spring is in the air, and with it, the melting polar ice caps! That can mean only one thing: it’s time for our annual review of the hottest summer fashions to wear during the upcoming apocalypse. Whether it’s climate change or an alien invasion, the only sure thing is that things will soon be coming to an end.
Don’t take that flock of birds falling from the sky as a bad omen, but a chance to make whimsical outfits to look your best as you battle for the last can of beans. Burnt crow feathers are sooooo in this year.
We all knew this day was coming. Year after year, the ocean levels rose, the heat went up, and another Kardashian got a TV show. Instead of living in despair, exist in harmony with the giant mutated rats that will surely appreciate this season’s fashions. All the remaining stylists and designers have been working hard in Bunker 42 to bring the survivors this year’s must-wear fashions.
Using a combination of sustainability and radiation protection, these looks will be so hot as you walk among the burnt-out cities of our past. Let’s take a look at what Bunker 42 has cooked up!
Nothing says “I’m Mad Max” more than a crusty leather jacket. With its custom dirt-soaked look, the jacket is complete with elbow patches made from former employees of Christian Dior. The rest of the jacket is 100% sustainable human leather from the great leather farms up in Montana, so you know that it’s good for the environment.
Inside the jacket, an extra pocket has been sewn to hide your gold teeth and a rope attached to the sleeve makes sure you never lose your shotgun.
When you wear your one-of-a-kind Ray-Ban goggles, the world knows that you are going places! And since the rest of the earth is covered in atomic fallout, you can see where you’re going! Never let mutated creatures sneak up on you again while you wear your Ray-Ban goggles.
Complete with auto-targeting software and threat tracking, you’ll be the king of the wasteland and the king of high fashion.
No one who is anyone would be caught dead without wearing their Le Bausch Goodyear boots. Made from the famed Region Unauthorized Zone, these boots make old tires finally look good! Get great traction as you run from the new world order that has risen up. With the all-weather models, get good grip on both dry and wet surfaces.
Their radial steel-toed tips make for great head stompers as you travel in your caravan on the lookout for expired medical supplies. If they survived, you’ll find it while wearying Le Bausch from Goodyear.
If you truly want to turn heads this summer season in the apocalypse, then you have to have the Extinguisher Power Armor Set 7. This limited edition set of armor comes straight to you from the stockpiles of the US military. Each set has a very sporty arm Gatling gun, 2 heat-seeking rocket backpack, and a bedazzled fringe that just looks plain great. Raid, survive, win with the Extinguisher Power Armor Set 7.
It’s not just a set of armor to protect you from the packs of mutated zombies wearing a mole-rat swimsuit. It’s a survival system that allows you to punish your enemies and take control of your section of the world once again. The suit comes in both volcanic black and blood red. Upgrade your armor with the tears of a child and get an extra 10% off shipping and handling.