Harrisburg, PA — Many super-intelligent people have begun to protest the COVID-19 lockdown orders. “It’s all a fake! A hoax by big guberment!” stated Richie Stallions gun.
“First off it’s pronounced government,” corrected our reporter. “But more importantly, why do you believe the COVID-19 virus is fake?”
“Oh, the virus is real. The Main Street Media won’t tell you that. But what they are telling you is that death is real! That’s a libtard fantasy! Death is a hoax and today we is gonna prove it!”
At this point, the protest organizers trotted out 25 senior citizens and strapped them into electric chairs. There is no way anyone on this flat earth could have predicted this outcome.
The crowd gathered around the seniors taken from local underfunded nursing homes. Many of the seniors were too weak to walk or run away from the death that was coming for them.
At some point, it was hoped that perhaps people in the crowd would care enough not to kill their loved ones. Then it was confirmed that the crowd didn’t bring any of their parents or grandparents.
Instead, they plucked these poor souls from random other people’s families.
A lady in the crowd did begin to scream and it was hoped that some common sense had finally broken through. Unfortunately, that scream turned out to be a lady that couldn’t get her hair done and her roots were showing.
It was very shocking and millions of Americans mourned for her hair dye. With the seniors strapped into Mr. Sparky, the crowd began to count down.
Oddly, the countdown didn’t start at ten because that would be normal and this protest is anything but normal. Instead, the protesters began to count down from two weeks.
Honestly, many are surprised that they could count to fourteen, so good on the protestors for taking full advantage of their backwater homeschool potato educations.
At the moment, the world waits to see what happens at the end of the fortnight. Will the seniors die?
Of course, they will. Even though conspiracy theories are now part of the norm, that doesn’t make them any less stupid and the people with a broken internet education are still dumb as turds.
Good luck seniors. If there was only something we could have done to prevent this.