Washington, D.C — President Trump has finally completed one campaign promise! He has shot someone in the middle of the street and America rejoices.
Many doubted that he could commit such an act, but the President found it in his tiny heart to pull the trigger on an American Citizen.
Proof that Trump is the best at what he does
He is celebrating this monumental accomplishment by holding a military parade through the heart of downtown D.C. where he hopes to shoot many, many, many more people because at this point, who cares.
Presidential Spokesman Kayleigh McEnany declined to characterize the shooting as a shooting and instead referred to it as the President playing bullet tag, a game in which he won decisively in bigly fashion.
“The President is the absolutely the best at bullet tag and many people have said how he is so good at it,” she stated. “He hopes to play many more games of bullet tag with people who aren’t his supporters.”
The President could not be reached for comment because he had gone home and turned the lights off on the nation.
His supporter’s response
Many of his supporters were quick to defend the President and not the constitution.
“You know, those d-mn Democrats have prevented him from playing bullet tag but you know, he’s our guy!” said Phil Dumba–. “I’m not racist,” he continued but no one listened to him after that because he was wearing the confederate flag and screaming racist insults.
The President’s supporters took to the airwaves and social media as well. Many were Tweeting that it’s good to have a president follow through on his campaign promises and that they don’t expect it to affect their vote.
The Purge Has Begun
With citizens taking to the streets, President Trump has also stated that he is now instituting the Purge where any crime he commits from midnight to seven a.m. is now legal.
It is unknown how this is any different than normal as he has literally been committing crimes his entire presidency. But it makes for a good sound bite so many news outlets ran with it to increase sales.
The President hasn’t followed through on any campaign promises thus far. Unemployment is rampant, the economy is in the crapper, 100K Americans have died, the pandemic is going strong, and Melania still doesn’t care.
With protest raging across the nation and the military being called in, the President hopes to shoot many more people because no matter what he does or how bad his leadership, no one seems to really give a sh-t.