Washington, D.C.— House Democrats rejoiced today as they put forth a bipartisan bill to finally achieve one of their major campaign promises.
“A universal income is now going to be a reality!” stated Nancy Pelosi. “And payable in the form of chickens!”
The press core, stunned, did not have any follow up questions.
“Did you guys hear me? I said chickens! Everyone is going to get one chicken a month.”
“Are these egg-laying chickens?” finally asked our correspondent.
“Um, well no. Just normal everyday chickens. And they are less chickens and more like cats that we glued feathers on. But they look like chickens and they will be in every house in America!”
The Democrats have tried to get many bills passed over the last four years. Normally, these bills will die in committee or be stalled in the Senate. Add with their ability to not keep President Trump in check, they really needed a win.
They found that win by pushing the Chicken Bill with the help of the Republican Caucus on Agriculture, Farming, and Fake Chickens for Profit.
This caucus can now promise their lobbyists big governmental fake chicken contracts and the Democrats get to actually say that they did something.
It is unknown what diseases these chicken-like creatures will carry, so there is hope that the Democrats can let the Republicans make another stimulus bill that benefits the 1%.
What can you spend your chickens on?
It may be difficult in the beginning to buy anything with your chickens. And as of now, every known doctor agrees that ti’s a bad idea to eat the chickens because they are probably cats. Cats are for petting and not eating
However, there is another bill in which you can cash your chickens in for your very own Democratic senator. They are both worth about the same at this point.
Touting his excellent leadership, The Trump White House has already made plans to seize all the chickens and have his name tattooed on them before they reach consumers.
One thing is for certain in these uncertain times, there will always be Chickens in Washington.