Washington, D.C. — In a time when many are questioning the leadership coming from the Trump Administration during the worldwide pandemic, the White House today unveiled its foolproof plan to ensure the spread of the virus.
“Well, to really get an even spread, we plan on first making testing for the COVID-19 virus impossible,” stated White House Spokesman Rick Dickheadson.
“See, the boys down in the situation room like to play whack-a-mole a lot and it’s kinda cheating if we track the spread of the deadly disease. Gotta keep the game fair.”
White House Coronavirus Activation Plan Revealed
The plan began in early January when President Trump claimed that the disease wasn’t that bad. After that, it was just “a mild flu.”
Finally, the final stage of the plan unfolded, which was basically saying “What disease? We don’t see no disease. The disease is very fine people.”
With any luck, the administration hopes to have the entire country covered in less than a month, making the game of whack-a-mole way easier.
Steps to Take To Help The Spread.
1. Go to any bars and restaurants that are crowded, as suggested by Senator Devin Nunes and Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt.
2. Give people laid off in service industries less relief money than salaried employees with sick leave as proposed by Mitch McConnell.
3. Claim that the whole thing is a Democratic Hoax, like President Donald Trump
4. Don’t shut down public beaches like Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.
These are just a few of the true, absolutely not a joke, suggestions, and actions by the people in charge of the apocalypse.
Do Your Part!
There are many things you can do to encourage the plague of the century. Continue to gather in large groups, preferably in nursing homes or NICU wards.
Replace handshakes with licking people’s faces. When you cough, do it directly at the doctors and nurses risking their lives to save you. With any luck, the world can end before the next season of West World is over.
It takes every American to call forth the four horsemen, so ask yourself: How much less can you do?